What we know now

Word Count: 373

Gone are the days where ignorance was bliss. Growing up in Southeast Texas, it’s probably safe for you to assume the manner in which I was raised. Everyone was presumably disgustingly racist, but no one spoke about it. A business owner wouldn’t turn away a homosexual, but they sure wouldn’t make you feel welcome. I respected my parents and my friends’ parents. My grandmothers set up elaborate tea parties and made Thanksgiving dinner. My grandfathers gardened and played the guitar. I couldn’t see what was in their heart of hearts. But it was “nice.” Everyone was “nice.”

The internet has shown me things I can’t unsee; changed my perception of those I once loved dearly and am now ashamed of. My grandmother shares a post about how Black Lives Most Certainly Do Not Matter and my brother-in-law regurgitates “killary” with every breath. What a glorious time to be alive.

Shirkey mentions that “The current loss of consensus is a better reflection of the real beliefs of the American polity than the older centrism” (2012). Before, everything was hush-hush, swept under the rug. While it is disheartening to see the hatred and lack of compassion from my family, I almost take comfort in this fact. Because of the ability to comment on any situation (gay marriage, gun laws, abortion, the election, feminism) we are able to see people for who they truly are, whether we agree with them or not. There is an important price to pay for this: accountability. You don’t get to deny that two days ago you commented “#Repealthe19th” on a Fox News Facebook post because I saw it. It popped up in my newsfeed.

In a podcast I listened to recently, Totally Married, the host, Elizabeth Laime, shared a sentiment that I have been feeling but couldn’t quite put into words. She reflected that although it’s painful, now that everyone is out in the open we can see what we are truly dealing with. There’s no more hiding behind that smile, no more sitting idly by as people are discriminated against with no one to fight for them. Change is happening. Progress is coming. Now that we’re all at least talking about it, perhaps we could reach an agreement.

http://www.poynter.org/2012/shirky-we-are-indeed-less-willing-to-agree-on-what-constitutes-truth/191757/

Getting to Know You

Word Count: 1,244

As one can see when perusing my previous blog entries, I am not the biggest proponent of online communication. For me, computer mediated communication is slow, difficult to maneuver, and can be somewhat deceptive. As stated in the textbook chapter titled “Communication and Technology,” the greatest pitfall of online communication is that “there is no practice of listening; no exercise in improvisation, no use of spontaneity,” which is to me, the most enjoyable part of a conversation (Huillet p.95). It completely eliminates the element of “conversational surprise,” and can, in turn, result in a dull interaction that contains nothing but mind-numbing small talk (p.95). While I did learn a bit about my two partners, Dennis Zeeb and Joshua Patton, the interactions with them were far from stellar. This was by no fault of their own, of course, but simply the by-product of the means in which we communicated.

With my partner Dennis, we utilized Google Hangouts as our method of communication. We reminisced about how it reminded us of using AOL Instant Messenger, which is what I enjoyed most about it. I like that you can see the entire conversation in front of you, and it feels more like a natural back and forth. Dennis is 34 years old and lives in Los Angeles, California. He is currently a computer programmer for the NFL Network, and in his own words, is “an aspiring polyglot.” He speaks Japanese and French, and is now majoring in German through OSU. He lives with his wife, who is a therapist, and three cats named Fromage, Mango, and Raisin. He loves to travel and recently spent two months travelling through Europe and Asia. He also enjoys hiking, running, and snowboarding. With Dennis, I tried my best to steer the conversation away from the standard small talk. I prefer to get right down into regular conversation, because I feel that is the best way to get to know someone. We talked about my life in NYC, and how it was difficult and I felt a bit inadequate after I left. We also spoke about social media, particularly how we sometimes try to live “outside the box” just to impress people. Toma and Hancock, in their article on the correspondence between Facebook and Self-Affirmation Theory, maintain that situations such as this “satisfy fundamental ego needs regarding desired self-images” (Toma and Hancock, 2013, p.321). He shared that sometimes when he shares photos of his travels, he feels a bit like he’s bragging, but feels that some people are genuinely interested in what he is up to. A big difference between Dennis and I is that he can relate more to extroverts and I am more introverted. As a computer programmer, Dennis spends much of his day in solitude, and therefore wants to socialize at the end of the day. I, however, spend the majority of my days interacting with customers, both polite and not, and want to talk to absolutely no one at the end of the day. This is one way in which online communication is great for me. It’s not so much that I am a shy introvert, I’m just a drained introvert. I like that I can simply shoot a quick message to my friends on Facebook and I don’t have to pick up the phone and mentally commit to a two hour conversation. Dennis and I spoke about how this has caused some of my friendships to go by the wayside, because I simply lose touch with them. I ultimately still prefer face to face communication, because it is more fulfilling and more enjoyable for me. But I do appreciate what computer mediated communication has allotted me. The one issue I had with the communication between Dennis and I was the lag in our conversation. This is because we are three hours apart, and it made it difficult to have a steady back and forth. For example, if I messaged him at 6 PM my time, he was likely still at work and could not respond. When he did get the opportunity, it was around 9 PM my time and I would be getting ready for bed. It wasn’t ideal, but I do feel like we at least got to know a little about one another.

With Josh, the conversation flowed even less because we were using the OSU email to communicate. I feel like email is great for long letters or work related correspondence, but for getting to know someone it is certainly not exemplary. It’s a lot more difficult for me to type an email on my phone, and thus I felt like I had to sit at my actual computer to do so. Because of the slow aspect of email, it also felt as if we each had to write long paragraphs just to make it worth it. This made the communication feel somewhat forced and less conversational. This is a prime example of the problems with CMC. In their investigation on Computer Mediated Communication versus FtF, Tidwell and Walther offer “impressions and relational development might be thwarted in CMC, rendering it a relatively impersonal medium” (Tidwell and Walther, 2002, p.2).The main difference between Josh and Dennis is that with Josh it felt like he was simply doing the assignment, and it didn’t feel like a genuine interaction. Dennis used emoticons, expressive language, and meaningful responses. Josh would answer a question asked of him and simply move on to another question. I don’t think that Josh is an uninteresting person; in fact based on what I learned about him, I think it’s far from that! Perhaps, because he has no social media and isn’t interested in technology, it makes him uninterested in online communication. I learned that he lives on a farm with his wife and three children, and together they search for objects and artifacts with metal detectors and explore the outdoors. He lives and a tremendously small town; Driftwood, Pennsylvania which has an official population of 67! After living in New York City, this sounds absolutely amazing to me. To be surrounded by nothing but mother nature. Josh is majoring in Archeology, with a focus on early America. He enjoys hunting, fishing, and searching for Native American artifacts on his property. He shared with me that the most unique thing he has found was from the year 10,000 BC! He has been to over 23 National Parks, which is far more than I have been to even though my goal is to be a park ranger. He advised me that a park ranger for the National Parks Service is far better than for the State Parks Service, and that I should aim for that. What I was able to gather from our short string of emails was that Josh is an introverted, quiet man with a love for the outdoors. He spends a lot of time with his children, teaching them that nature is much better than television, and I think that’s amazing. He seems like a great father, and I wish my dad had shown as much interest in me as he does with his children.

After completing this assignment, I maintain my current stance on Computer Mediated Communication. It is still and always will be second to traditional face to face conversations. Without the use of verbal and physical cues, spontaneous reactions, and the ability to comment on the world as it is happening around us, these interactions feel unnatural and stagnant.

Works Cited

Huillet, M.. (2015). Communicating Online. USA: McGraw-Hill Education.

Tidwell, L., & Walther, J. (2002). Computer‐Mediated Communication Effects on

Disclosure, Impressions, and Interpersonal Evaluations: Getting to Know One

Another a Bit at a Time. Human Communication Research, 28(3), 317-348.

Toma, C., & Hancock, J. (2013). Self-Affirmation Underlies Facebook Use. Personality

and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39(3), 321-331.

Because You Know I'm All About That Face (to face)

Word Count: 616

When my mother began online dating in 1998, it was still in the wee stages of popularity, more geared toward divorcees and an older crowd. Honestly I found it embarrassing, and told myself I’d never be caught dead doing that. I didn’t know at the age of 8 how, exactly, one found a suitor in a more traditional sense. I guess I just assumed he’d manifest from my wildest dreams in a brand new Mustang convertible. After living single in New York City for four years with no prospects and no clue, I finally caved and expanded my search. But if my mother’s horrendous experience taught me anything, it was to not spend days and weeks learning about these men online, but meet them as soon as possible. That’s because my mother knew something first hand these theory writers perhaps don’t consider: People lie.

Social Information Processing Theory (SIPT) claims that “communicators in online settings are able, over time, to gather and construct images of their communication partners that are quite parallel to images they might have constructed through FtF interactions “ (Heinemann 184). While I’m sure this is true in some instances, I have to disagree based on my own experiences. As we know in computer mediated communication, you not only have confidence to share things you may not in person (a worthy cause), but you also have the time to construct the absolute perfect sentence. I’m guilty of this. I changed my profile every three days because I was obsessed with seeming like the most intelligent, the most fun, the most interesting. Essentially, I was playing these dudes. Karma bit me back though, in a few big ways. Let’s take Christian, for example, who worked for a corporate bank and wore nice suits. He was funny, friendly, and seemed like he had his life together. What I didn’t know is that he was 32 years old living with his mom because “Why would I spend my money on a place when I can just bum off my mom in Queens?” Then disappears to “Amsterdam” for a “soccer tournament” and drops off the earth. Or Mike. Who I spent weeks talking to on the phone, laughing and really getting to know, but doesn’t show up for our date. Instead he sent me a text full of expletives about how I need to leave him alone and never speak to him again? Okay, MIKE. If that’s even your real name. Probably not, though, because it’s an online dating site, you literally can’t trust anyone.

Another severe issue I take with SIPT is found in a study that used the film You’ve Got Mail to teach this theory. In one example, author Heinemann maintains that “the blind interaction allows Kathleen and Joe to establish their relationship based on the qualities of each other’s personalities, as opposed to physical attraction” (185).  This is problematic for me because physical attraction is extremely important on the basest human level. I know people love to disagree about this, but it is not shallow to want to date someone you’re attracted to. And if you use photos that don’t accurately represent how you look, it’s just as deceiving as the well crafted email you send; after spending 45 minutes trying to come up with the perfect ask-out: “Wouldst thou like to accompany me to the local watering hole to indulge in libations?”

My partner came up with that line. We met after about 15 minutes of online interaction and have had 4 years of FtF bliss.

Heinemann, Darias. "Using You've Got Mail to Teach Social Information Processing Theory and Hyperpersonal Perspective in Online Interactions."Communication Teacher 25.4 (2011). Web. 10 October 2016.

In Full Disclosure...oh, wait.

Word Count: 767

This is Sally. Sally is a recent college graduate, majoring in English. Sally is bright, driven, and talented. Today, Sally has a job interview with Random House Publishing for the position of Assistant Editor in the children’s literature department. She is beyond thrilled.

This is Lucy. Lucy is also a recent college graduate, also majoring in English. Like Sally, she is equally bright, driven, and talented. Lucy is preparing for her first job interview today; also at Random House Publishing, also to be an Assistant Editor, also in the children’s literature department. Let’s just assume that she, too, is beyond thrilled.

The interview goes well for both applicants, and the interviewer is having difficulty deciding which interviewee is best for the job. At a stand still, there seems to be but one stone left unturned: Facebook.

In a search for Sally, Mr. Random finds very few posts, and the posts he does see are articles on current events, notifications for Sally’s “currently reading” list, along with the occasional cat lady meme. Her profile picture was taken on a recent trip to Italy, where she sits sandwiched between dear old Mom and Dad.

Feeling more annoyed by the prospect that both women will have squeaky clean records and this will have all been a wash, Sir Big Boss types Lucy’s name in the search bar. Lucy’s page features dozens of recent photos, all appearing to be at nightclubs. In one photo, Lucy stands on top of a bar, drinking something from a shoe. The next photo in the spread, apparently moments later, features a loosey-goose Lucy lying on the bar floor with her skirt risen up to her waist. These photos were taken 2 nights ago.

Care to wager on who landed the job?

This is a classic example of how self-disclosure online differs. Lucy might have made an excellent employee, but next to Sally she looks downright scandalous. Perhaps you’re thinking “But Lindsay, this is a dated example! Everyone makes their profile private now, or is smart enough to know not to post such things!” Oh, how I wish that were true. As the manager, I am currently conducting interviews for a position at my location, and the horrors I have found. The issue with posting inappropriate things on social media isn’t, in my opinion, the actual content. What turns me off from potential employees is the simple fact that they didn’t think twice before posting that picture of them in their current work uniform, two middle fingers in the air.

It’s because of these situations that I do believe we are posting entirely too much of our daily lives.

Sure, privacy settings exist; but as we read in Chapter 4, “Communicating by using any form of technology should be considered public not private communication” (p.100).

When we think about “the dark side of the internet,” one example that always glares out at me is the constant photos of children that take up most of my feed. I take issue with this because these children do not grant the user permission to post these photos, which is a very real violation of their rights as a person. It may not only cause them embarrassment down the road, but very real danger. Let’s take a look:

Sue Anne, who lives in Small Town, Iowa posts a photo of little Savannah in her new school pride t-shirt on the town Facebook page with the caption “So excited for the Homecoming Parade today! Savannah will be on the Kinder Choir float!” Now, Sue Anne isn’t considering that Mr. Smith, a less than savory character, is also a member of the town’s Facebook page. He’ll go to the parade, see little Savannah, and follow their car on the way home to see where they live. Then he’ll watch and wait for the right moment to commit whatever crime he would. It doesn’t matter if you live in a small town or a big city.It all started on Facebook, the most populated metropolis there is.

As for me, I don’t disclose much. In fact, no one is even aware that I’m going back to school save a few close friends. I still live a 20 minute train ride from New York City, and yet when people that I know come up on vacation, no one asks me to “show them around.” Probably because I don’t post a picture next to the Empire State Building every 3 days under a heading of “So in love with this city and my life.” They forget I’m even here. Honestly, I’m alright with that.

Images courtesy of The Peanuts Gallery!: Characters!: