Getting to Know You

Word Count: 1,244

As one can see when perusing my previous blog entries, I am not the biggest proponent of online communication. For me, computer mediated communication is slow, difficult to maneuver, and can be somewhat deceptive. As stated in the textbook chapter titled “Communication and Technology,” the greatest pitfall of online communication is that “there is no practice of listening; no exercise in improvisation, no use of spontaneity,” which is to me, the most enjoyable part of a conversation (Huillet p.95). It completely eliminates the element of “conversational surprise,” and can, in turn, result in a dull interaction that contains nothing but mind-numbing small talk (p.95). While I did learn a bit about my two partners, Dennis Zeeb and Joshua Patton, the interactions with them were far from stellar. This was by no fault of their own, of course, but simply the by-product of the means in which we communicated.

With my partner Dennis, we utilized Google Hangouts as our method of communication. We reminisced about how it reminded us of using AOL Instant Messenger, which is what I enjoyed most about it. I like that you can see the entire conversation in front of you, and it feels more like a natural back and forth. Dennis is 34 years old and lives in Los Angeles, California. He is currently a computer programmer for the NFL Network, and in his own words, is “an aspiring polyglot.” He speaks Japanese and French, and is now majoring in German through OSU. He lives with his wife, who is a therapist, and three cats named Fromage, Mango, and Raisin. He loves to travel and recently spent two months travelling through Europe and Asia. He also enjoys hiking, running, and snowboarding. With Dennis, I tried my best to steer the conversation away from the standard small talk. I prefer to get right down into regular conversation, because I feel that is the best way to get to know someone. We talked about my life in NYC, and how it was difficult and I felt a bit inadequate after I left. We also spoke about social media, particularly how we sometimes try to live “outside the box” just to impress people. Toma and Hancock, in their article on the correspondence between Facebook and Self-Affirmation Theory, maintain that situations such as this “satisfy fundamental ego needs regarding desired self-images” (Toma and Hancock, 2013, p.321). He shared that sometimes when he shares photos of his travels, he feels a bit like he’s bragging, but feels that some people are genuinely interested in what he is up to. A big difference between Dennis and I is that he can relate more to extroverts and I am more introverted. As a computer programmer, Dennis spends much of his day in solitude, and therefore wants to socialize at the end of the day. I, however, spend the majority of my days interacting with customers, both polite and not, and want to talk to absolutely no one at the end of the day. This is one way in which online communication is great for me. It’s not so much that I am a shy introvert, I’m just a drained introvert. I like that I can simply shoot a quick message to my friends on Facebook and I don’t have to pick up the phone and mentally commit to a two hour conversation. Dennis and I spoke about how this has caused some of my friendships to go by the wayside, because I simply lose touch with them. I ultimately still prefer face to face communication, because it is more fulfilling and more enjoyable for me. But I do appreciate what computer mediated communication has allotted me. The one issue I had with the communication between Dennis and I was the lag in our conversation. This is because we are three hours apart, and it made it difficult to have a steady back and forth. For example, if I messaged him at 6 PM my time, he was likely still at work and could not respond. When he did get the opportunity, it was around 9 PM my time and I would be getting ready for bed. It wasn’t ideal, but I do feel like we at least got to know a little about one another.

With Josh, the conversation flowed even less because we were using the OSU email to communicate. I feel like email is great for long letters or work related correspondence, but for getting to know someone it is certainly not exemplary. It’s a lot more difficult for me to type an email on my phone, and thus I felt like I had to sit at my actual computer to do so. Because of the slow aspect of email, it also felt as if we each had to write long paragraphs just to make it worth it. This made the communication feel somewhat forced and less conversational. This is a prime example of the problems with CMC. In their investigation on Computer Mediated Communication versus FtF, Tidwell and Walther offer “impressions and relational development might be thwarted in CMC, rendering it a relatively impersonal medium” (Tidwell and Walther, 2002, p.2).The main difference between Josh and Dennis is that with Josh it felt like he was simply doing the assignment, and it didn’t feel like a genuine interaction. Dennis used emoticons, expressive language, and meaningful responses. Josh would answer a question asked of him and simply move on to another question. I don’t think that Josh is an uninteresting person; in fact based on what I learned about him, I think it’s far from that! Perhaps, because he has no social media and isn’t interested in technology, it makes him uninterested in online communication. I learned that he lives on a farm with his wife and three children, and together they search for objects and artifacts with metal detectors and explore the outdoors. He lives and a tremendously small town; Driftwood, Pennsylvania which has an official population of 67! After living in New York City, this sounds absolutely amazing to me. To be surrounded by nothing but mother nature. Josh is majoring in Archeology, with a focus on early America. He enjoys hunting, fishing, and searching for Native American artifacts on his property. He shared with me that the most unique thing he has found was from the year 10,000 BC! He has been to over 23 National Parks, which is far more than I have been to even though my goal is to be a park ranger. He advised me that a park ranger for the National Parks Service is far better than for the State Parks Service, and that I should aim for that. What I was able to gather from our short string of emails was that Josh is an introverted, quiet man with a love for the outdoors. He spends a lot of time with his children, teaching them that nature is much better than television, and I think that’s amazing. He seems like a great father, and I wish my dad had shown as much interest in me as he does with his children.

After completing this assignment, I maintain my current stance on Computer Mediated Communication. It is still and always will be second to traditional face to face conversations. Without the use of verbal and physical cues, spontaneous reactions, and the ability to comment on the world as it is happening around us, these interactions feel unnatural and stagnant.

Works Cited

Huillet, M.. (2015). Communicating Online. USA: McGraw-Hill Education.

Tidwell, L., & Walther, J. (2002). Computer‐Mediated Communication Effects on

Disclosure, Impressions, and Interpersonal Evaluations: Getting to Know One

Another a Bit at a Time. Human Communication Research, 28(3), 317-348.

Toma, C., & Hancock, J. (2013). Self-Affirmation Underlies Facebook Use. Personality

and Social Psychology Bulletin, 39(3), 321-331.